How to get even, p.1
How to Get Even, page 1
HOW TO GET EVEN
PIPPA ROSCOE
To Amy, Rachael, and Clare, I couldn’t have written this book with any other authors. You’re my ride or die, red-velvet-loving, prosecco-sipping, Delia-bonded sisters and I love you all!
SUN TZU ON THE ART OF WAR
THE OLDEST MILITARY TREATISE IN THE WORLD
Translated from the Chinese
By LIONEL GILES, M.A. (1910)
[released as Project Gutenberg’s eBook #132.]
CONTENTS
In the Beginning…
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Epilogue
Thank you!
More from The Karma Club
About the Author
Boldwood Ever After
About Boldwood Books
IN THE BEGINNING…
CHICAGO, O’HARE AIRPORT, 21 DECEMBER
Bella ignored the phone that vibrated in her hand. Twice.
‘Are you sure?’ asked the flight attendant, blinking between her and the little old lady.
Bella looked at the large window showing a runway quickly becoming buried beneath mounds of snow from the sudden blizzard that had taken everyone by surprise.
Not that anyone should really be surprised by snow. In Chicago. Four days from Christmas.
‘Ma’am? This is the last flight out of here,’ she repeated, as if wanting to make absolutely sure Bella knew what she was doing. ‘It could be hours before another one can leave.’
Bella heard the warning and looked into the green watery eyes of Delia, the elderly woman who was desperate to get home to hold her grandchild for the first time.
And what did Bella have waiting for her in Upstate New York?
A loving family, a huge tree with fairy lights topped with the angel her sister had made in third grade, presents, a delicious meal; all the things that almost any sane person would kill to have for Christmas.
Anyone but her.
‘Absolutely. Please give Delia my seat and arrange for me to be on the next available flight,’ Bella replied determinedly.
The flight attendant shook her head, but did as she was asked, while Bella fired off a text to her sister.
I’m fine, honestly!
Please. Stop. Asking. Me. Bella silently begged.
I’ll let you know when I have flight details. Love to Mom and Dad! Xx
‘Oh, thank you,’ cried Delia, trembling with happiness. ‘I just couldn’t bear it if I’d missed her first Christmas.’
‘Just promise to give that beautiful little girl a kiss from me,’ Bella said with a genuine smile.
‘I will! I truly will,’ Delia exclaimed as the new boarding pass was printed.
The flight attendant shot Bella an unimpressed look as Delia grappled with her three bags, as if it were Bella’s fault that the older woman was flouting hand baggage rules.
‘Bless you, sweet child,’ Delia said, nearly losing her book as she reached for the boarding pass. ‘Oh here. Take this,’ she said, thrusting the paperback at Bella. ‘You probably need this more than I do,’ she said with a saucy smile, disappearing down the gangway before the flight attendant pulled a rope across the exit.
Bella stared at the book in her hands, a lurid pink flyer peeking out from between the pages catching her eye.
Just Desserts, Opposite Gate 7
Pictures of cocktails and cakes in a pretty cartoon design called to her. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had cake. Certainly not since before the…
What did you call a wedding that didn’t happen? An un-wedding? A non-wedding? Either way, before ‘it’, she’d been following a calorie-controlled diet to fit into the perfect wedding dress. The kind that all little girls – and a few boys too – dreamed of. The kind that her father had paid an almost eye-watering amount for.
Guilt and shame welled in her empty stomach, and suddenly, all Bella wanted was sugar. An obscene, high octane, chest exploding, fall-off-the-wagon amount of sugar. With the airport full of stranded passengers, she probably wouldn’t get a seat. But maybe, just maybe, one good turn deserved another, she thought as she pulled the flyer from the page.
And then she choked on a gasp as she caught sight of the paragraph the flyer had been hiding.
Fuck me, Daddy. Please? I’ve been such a bad girl.
Bella slammed the book shut, looking around her to make sure that no one had seen what she had. Her cheeks flamed, hot and bright, and she used the book to fan them.
Delia!
She laughed at herself as she put the book into her purse.
Cake. Cocktails.
And then, maybe, she’d read that book.
Just Desserts loomed up ahead, bright and pink like a beacon amidst the chaos. Bella was hit with such a strong scent of caramel and chocolate that her mouth actually watered.
She scanned the café’s packed tables. Each one was excessively full of people guarding them possessively, glaring at anyone who looked their way. She was about to give up when a woman with bright magenta streaks in her hair caught Bella’s eye. Bella smiled back automatically, because there was something in the woman’s eyes. Recognition? Expectation? Then the woman winked. Someone passed between them and the woman was gone, but there, in her place, it was – a table in the middle of the chaos shining like the Holy Grail.
Worried that it would disappear like a mirage, she hurried over and reached a chair just as another woman grabbed the one to her left, and another came careening out of nowhere, just managing to stop opposite her, before taking out a fourth woman who reached for the adjacent chair.
Bella’s heart sank. If any of these women had companions, she’d have to give up her seat.
‘If none of you are with anyone else, we could share?’ the eclectic redhead asked in a British accent that reminded her a little of Olly.
Burying the thought beneath the relief she felt at finding a seat, Bella smiled and nodded. Introductions were made as layers of coats and scarves and bags were removed, each finally sitting down at the table with a sigh and a grateful smile.
Paige, the redhead with freckles and a gorgeous smile, was British, as was Astrid who had glossy brown hair and an aura of irrepressible energy that made Bella slightly wary. Sienna was a fellow American and had big blue eyes and golden hair that made her look like a Disney princess.
‘Would you think me a terrible lush if I got a glass of prosecco?’ Paige asked hesitantly.
Prosecco. It was ten in the morning and Bella would never ordinarily drink at such an hour. But suddenly she wanted to. Suddenly she wanted, more than anything, to be someone who drank when the fancy took her, ate as much cake as womanly possible. She wanted to be… a bad girl.
Bella cleared her throat and kicked the purse containing Delia’s book further under the table.
‘I’ll have a glass,’ she told the waitress after Sienna suggested getting a bottle. ‘And some water for the table, please.’ Bella wasn’t quite prepared to let go of all her sensibilities in one fell swoop.
Bella squinted at the second bottle of prosecco. When had they ordered that? Deciding it was unimportant, she pressed her fingertip into the crumbs of her second red velvet cake, popped them into her mouth and savoured the mini sugar bombs exploding on her tongue as Astrid peppered Paige with questions about her Virtual Assistant business.
Astrid had her own business. Something she could be proud of. And Bella? Bella was hiding until the furore died down over the disaster of a wedding that never happened, so that she could finally assume her role at her parents’ foundation.
Which was what she wanted, she reminded herself sternly.
‘Is that why you’re in the US? Work?’ Astrid asked Paige.
‘No. I was at a wedding in Chicago.’
Bella flinched.
‘Oh, how lovely. How was it?’ Sienna asked dreamily.
‘You know. Pavlova dress.’
Bella’s had been sleek. A twenty-thousand-dollar Vera Wang in ivory silk from the bustline down, topped by a swathe of delicate lace crossing her chest and arms.
‘Drunken best man’s speech.’
Bella had forbidden Olly’s best man from drinking until after the ceremony.
‘Smooshing cake into each other’s faces. A handsy Uncle Chip.’
Bella downed the remainder of her prosecco, fearing the damp heat pressing against the backs of her eyes might actually, horrifyingly, escape. ‘I’d rather not talk about weddings.’ It was only the lump in her throat that stopped her from adding, If that’s okay.
‘Not a fan?’ Paige asked.
‘Absolutely not,’ Bella confirmed.
‘Don’t believe in love?’
‘I did,’ Bella admitted. ‘And then six months ago I stood up in front of 400 guests to let them know that my groom wasn’t coming.’
She pressed her lips together to keep the sudden well of unruly emotions from escaping.
&nb sp; ‘Holy mother of…?’ Astrid spluttered as she clutched Bella’s forearm. ‘You were jilted?’
‘Yup. By text. The morning of.’
‘By text?’ Astrid’s mouth flattened.
Bella smiled, letting the women’s sympathy, their outrage, soothe the hurt caused by the wedding guests’ horrified fascination.
‘He’s not a bad person, really, he just did a bad thing,’ she admitted honestly. And he wasn’t. But Olly had told her that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Let her believe that, let her plan for how her life would be, with him. ‘He was a bit of a…’ She searched for the right word. ‘Peter Pan. Commitment wasn’t his strong suit and I made the classic mistake of thinking that it would be different with me,’ she admitted with a shrug, feeling embarrassed and ashamed that she’d been so foolish.
‘Doesn’t excuse him leaving you at the altar,’ Sienna said.
‘Via text,’ Astrid stressed, furiously.
‘No, it doesn’t,’ Bella replied, reaching for her glass before realising it was empty and putting it back on the table.
‘Well, you can string mine up,’ Astrid announced. ‘Unbeknownst to me he’d already trotted up that aisle and merrily said “I do” to someone else.’
‘He turned you into the other woman?’ Bella asked, outraged.
‘Too right he did.’
‘Are you freaking kidding me?’ Sienna asked, shaking her head in disgust.
‘He’s an artist too. All about creating the feels in people… Chase Miller can give you “the feels” alright. The kind you want F all to do with.’
Chase Miller. Bella blinked in surprise. She’d seen one of his paintings only last month in Paris. She remembered it immediately. A huge, sprawling canvas that had stopped her in her tracks. How could such incredible talent be wasted on a man who would do such a thing? ‘What is wrong with these men?’ Bella demanded. ‘Doesn’t marriage mean anything any more?’
‘I don’t think men get the concept of commitment,’ Sienna mused. ‘Even the ones who seem to are just faking it.’
Bella leaned in, her heart going out to the sadness she felt from Sienna. ‘What happened?’
‘My ex kind of discarded me. It wasn’t like some big, dramatic break up. I didn’t even get the chance to throw plates. I mean, we were just kids, but we were each other’s firsts, you know.’ They all nodded in understanding. ‘And I thought we were going to have a life together, but he hightailed it out of town without a backward glance.’
Just like Olly had done to her. Bella reached across to squeeze Sienna’s hand. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘That’s terrible.’
While the girls talked about beheading deserving men, Bella wondered whether perhaps life was better off without men altogether.
‘My ex posted naked pictures and video of me online. He’d taken them without my knowledge or consent.’
Bella’s head snapped up, Paige’s words igniting a phosphorus flare deep inside her.
‘Revenge porn?’ hissed Sienna in disgust.
‘I’ve never felt so degraded.’ Paige’s gaze dropped to the table, and the anger that Bella had kept at bay for months, morphed into a physical thing: a living, breathing monster that demanded payment for the hurt inflicted on Paige.
‘I met Harvey at Oxford. He was studying IT and I was a third-year law student. No prestigious law firm was going to take me on after that. Hell, not even a terrible law firm would. And I couldn’t bear staying on at Oxford, where everyone had seen the pictures. So I’ – Paige shrugged – ‘dropped out.’
Bella’s heart thumped painfully. Olly might have hurt her, but nothing, nothing, compared to the violation that Harvey had done to Paige. It was clear from the painful blush on Paige’s freckled cheeks how much she struggled with it.
Bella clenched her hands into fists. ‘What a bastard.’
‘Absolute bastard,’ Sienna agreed furiously.
The table fell quiet and Bella wondered if the others, like her, were imagining suitably painful punishments for Paige’s evil ex.
‘They shouldn’t be allowed to get away with that kind of crap,’ Sienna said eventually.
Astrid slapped her glass down on the table. ‘Damn right they shouldn’t.’
‘What if we…’ Sienna glanced around the circle and leaned in a little. ‘Look I know this sounds crazy and I may be a little drunk…’
Bella wondered if they were all a little drunk.
‘What if we took it upon ourselves,’ Sienna continued. ‘To exact some revenge.’
Bella frowned, curious despite herself. ‘How do you mean?’
‘I don’t mean murdering them or anything,’ she dismissed, which was, Bella thought, a shame in Harvey’s instance. ‘I mean… look, these guys have had everything go their way, right? They got to walk all over us. Or walk out on us. Why should they just get to live their best lives while we’re picking up the remnants of ours?
‘Why not have a little fun at their expense?’ Sienna continued. ‘Nothing serious. Stuff that would inconvenience them. That we could have a laugh over. Like signing them up to hundreds of mailing lists. Switch out their clothes for a size or two smaller. That kind of thing.’
The idea struck something in Bella, like a tuning fork finally hitting the perfect note.
For years, Bella had done everything in her power to do the right thing. Don’t cause a scene, don’t make a fuss. Hell, she even co-ordinated the unpicking of her own wedding even though she hadn’t been the one to call it off. But while she was considering being a little naughty, it didn’t mean she’d suddenly become reckless.
She leaned in. ‘Some of those things would require us to get close,’ she said, almost at a whisper. ‘They’ll know it was us. There’s no way we’d get away with it.’
Sienna smiled triumphantly. ‘That’s why we pick someone else’s ex.’
Oh, that was good.
‘Who would you pick?’
‘I’d take your cheating, married, bastard ex,’ Bella declared, cheeks flush with an anger she’d spent far too long suppressing. Chase Miller had pulled the rug out from beneath not one but two women and he deserved to pay.
As the girls divvied up the rest of the ex-boyfriends, the idea gained momentum in Bella’s mind.
‘Look, this only works if we all agree,’ Sienna said, suddenly serious. ‘And nobody should feel pressured into doing it if it doesn’t sit right.’
‘God, fuck yes,’ Astrid declared, slightly less enthusiastic than she had been before. ‘The last thing I want to do is browbeat my new co-conspirators. Sorry, besties.’
Best friends. The phrase caught at something in Bella’s chest and pulled. The truth was, she wanted to do this. Not just for herself, but for them too.
As if feeling the same, she felt Paige’s gaze on hers. Paige would, if they all agreed, be tackling Olly; her job as a house-sitter making her the perfect person to invade the pristine hidey hole he’d slunk back to in Cornwall, England.
‘I do love a good cream tea,’ Paige said with a small smile. ‘I’d be safe there?’
‘Definitely,’ Bella reassured her. ‘For all his commitment-phobe tendencies, he’s a gentleman. And I know he feels bad. Which I’m perfectly okay with exploiting to get you in there. I still have his number,’ she offered.
Paige looked a little hesitant, and suddenly it felt absolutely vital that Paige say yes. That this happen. Because if it didn’t then Olly’d got away scot-free and—
‘Look. How about this? What if Bella texts and then we leave it up to the universe,’ Sienna suggested. ‘If he texts back while we’re all still sitting here at this table we randomly ended up at, then it’s a go. If he doesn’t? We’ve all had a laugh and filled in a few hours. No harm no foul,’ Sienna offered with a shrug.
