No. Step one was to reach out to Sam. Kathryn was right. She needed his help. And, just like the time she’d lost contact with Invictus in the robotics semi-finals, Sam could talk her down and help her focus.

  Almost as if her fingers were not her own, she watched herself pull up Sam’s number in the messaging app and start typing. Sam, we need to talk.

  She put the phone down and watched impatiently to see his reply. She cussed at herself under her breath. There was no way to know if he had disabled the read receipt for her messages on his phone.

  She sipped at her drink, willing him to respond. Finally, he sent We do? Why?

  She stared at his message for a long time. He really had moved on, she thought, then shook her head. Time to focus. One thing at a time.

  Needs to be in person. Can’t wait, she texted back.

  More time went by. She tried to ignore the phone as she sipped at her cappuccino and watched the cars whiz by on the freeway.

  Finally, he responded: Fine. Tomorrow. 8 am. Tietjen Beach.

  Rylee blinked back tears and she bowed her head until her forehead touched the table in front of her. Thank God.

  Sam might be an asshole, but maybe if they talked things through it would be okay. That pregnancy test had to be wrong. She probably didn’t have some deadly disease. It had to be nerves.

  She sat up and then slammed the last of her drink. Time to get going. She had over a half-hour drive and would probably hit some construction traffic on her way home.

  Rylee pulled into the Doctors Park’s parking lot and scanned for Sam’s car. A few vehicles were scattered around the large lot. She spotted Sam’s distinctively dark blue hybrid at the far end, near the trail that led through the tree-lined path to Tietjen Beach.

  She pulled in next to his car, sighing as she checked her watch. Just after 8 a.m. So much for being early.

  Of course, he’d picked the beach. It would have been so much easier to grab a nearby picnic table and talk things out.

  No. Sam was not going to make this easy for her. Nothing said ‘we’re done’ like a forced march along the worn asphalt trail to remind her of happier times. After all, Tietjen Beach had been their special place.

  Rylee blinked back tears as she exited the car, automatically locking it and tucking her keys into a pocket as she walked over to the northern trail entrance. She knew where to find him. He would be waiting for her on the farthest access point to the beach, far away from anyone who might be taking an early morning walk.

  A slight chill seeped past her loose, linen sundress and the damp wind caressed her bare arms. The forecast had called for a chance of rain later in the day, but it had been so warm at home, that she hadn’t thought to bring a wrap.

  Rylee glanced through the window into the backseat. She didn’t see her spare sweater. Dammit, she thought. By the time she got to the beach, she’d be freezing.

  No help for it. Time to get going. With any luck, Sam would agree to continue their conversation over breakfast at a nearby restaurant.

  She could feel the random pebbles and irregular pavement through the thin soles of her sandals as she walked. The trees overhead flickered in the damp breeze, birds happily chirping as they greeted the morning sun.

  As she followed the trail deeper into the forest, all Rylee could think of is how crappy it was that Sam had chosen this place to meet. It was like the ultimate punishment. So many memories, both good and bad. She could feel the tears starting again. She wiped at her face with the back of her hand and kept walking.

  The summer beach parties with the robotics team. That Fourth of July someone further down the beach had lit up the entire lakefront with a bunch of possibly illegal fireworks from the edge of the waterfront. The community barbecue the summer before her senior year when she first thought he might be attracted to her.

  Their first kiss had happened right along this trail, during last year’s Winter Wonderland Hike. These trees had even witnessed their last fight.

  Rylee stopped walking, stretching her neck to look up at the tree canopy as she fought to hold back the sobs that threatened to get past her defenses. No!, she thought. She was not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her break down. Not now.

  Maybe she should just go. He didn’t love her. Maybe he never did. Maybe all she had been to him was someone who gave him sex on demand, like some anonymous plastic sex doll.

  She wiped her face with both hands. That wasn’t true, she told herself. Somehow, she knew that Sam had genuinely cared for her, even if he could never use the word ‘love’ with her. Care? Yes. Need? Absolutely. But, never love.

  Rylee crossed her arms, blinking back tears as she rocked back and forth for a long moment. There was only one way to find out if he could help and that was to keep going. Besides, she could see glimmers of the beach peeking through the trees up ahead. No sense turning back now.

  As she approached the beach, she noticed the small details. His vague silhouette stood against the backdrop of the calm lake waters, his faded blue t-shirt and old jeans making him blend in. He stood with his back to the trail, the small waves lapping up against the monochrome shoreline at his feet. He was staring off into the horizon, to that place where the sky kissed the shimmering lake water. He might have been lost in thought. Or, more likely he was still avoiding even looking at her.

  She stepped off the trail and onto the beach if you could call it that. Sandy pebbles of various sizes littered the shoreline, with larger stones and pieces of driftwood scattered around as if Mom Nature had had another temper tantrum with the last storm.

  “Dammit!” she cried out, bruising her toes as she tripped over a small tree branch. “Why the hell did you want to meet on the beach when there are perfectly good picnic tables closer to the parking lot?” she complained as she got her balance and looked down at her foot. Just a shallow scrape. No blood.

  She looked up. Sam hadn’t even noticed her distress. Of course, he hadn’t.

  Rylee made herself continue walking until she reached his side. “Sam, I’m cold,” she told him. “Can’t we go someplace else?”

  When he didn’t respond, she reached for his hand as she tried to make a connection. He still wasn’t looking at her.

  He pulled away, shoving his hands into his front pockets as he took a step away from her. “Just tell me what you want, Rylee,” he told her, his voice dark with anger. He continued to scan the horizon, eyeing the dark clouds that were gathering out over the lake. “We broke up. It’s over. There’s nothing more to say.”

  “It’s really chilly out here,” she whimpered, rubbing her cold hands against her arms in an effort to ward off the chill. “I can’t talk when I’m freezing to death!” Sam knew how sensitive she was to the cold. Once upon a time, he had cared enough about her to put his arms around her and share his body’s warmth with her.

  Not now, obviously. She felt the tears threaten to start again and held up one hand under her nose to try to hold back the sniffle.

  Sam turned to her, his hazel eyes blazing with unspoken rage. “Let’s go,” he snapped. Before she could do more than blink, he grabbed her by the arm and dragged her towards the trail that threaded its way through the woods that surrounded the beach behind them.

  She stumbled after him, tripping over another small piece of driftwood. His fingers flexed, painfully gripping her bicep as he kept her from falling. She struggled to pull away from him and he abruptly let her go as they slowly made their way through the overgrown trail to the stairs that led to the bluff that overlooked the beach.

  Wild grapevines, goldenrods, and assorted weeds crowded the entrance to the limestone steps and made it impossible for her to reach the rough, wooden handrails as they climbed. She wasn’t sure why the Friends of Doctors Park hadn’t cleared them this year. Wasn’t that their job as volunteers?

  As soon as they reached the top, Sam headed for one of the benches that used to overlook the beach below. Now, trees and small brush huddled against the hill, creating an almost impenetrable view.

  He sat, leaning back against the back of the bench as if the very sight of her disgusted him. “Tell me what’s going on,” he growled.

  Rylee slumped onto a nearby bench. There were so many things that she needed to say, but the words just wouldn’t come out. “We can’t break up, Sam,” she sobbed as she brushed her long, black hair away from her face. “I-I need you,” she whispered. I need your help.

  His expression hardened and he turned away, staring at the clouds that randomly filtered through the random foliage above them. After a long moment, he told her the words that she didn’t want to hear. “Rylee, it’s over.”

  He ducked his head, staring at the sandy ground. “You broke up with me,” he spat. “We’re done.”

  His words hit her like a backhanded slap. She sprang up from her seat, fists clenched at her side. “No!” she screamed. “You don’t understand. We made a mistake!” She choked back a sob, the words ‘I’m pregnant’ stuck in her throat.

  Sam leaned back and eyed her, scorn etched into his pursed lips. “How many times do we need to break up before you finally accept that it’s over, Rylee?” he asked, mockingly. “Two more times? Five?” He glared at her. “Breaking up was your idea.” He paused for emphasis, then barked, “Both times!”

  Rylee gulped back a sob, screwing her eyes shut as she turned her face toward the trees that blocked the sky. “I was wrong,” she whispered. She opened her eyes and wiped her face with both hands as if she could wipe away her fear. “Things have changed, Sam.”

  “What things?” Sam demanded. “I’m really tired of this, Rylee! Tell me what’s going on!”

  She sat down and slumped against the bench, covering her eyes with one hand. She didn’t have the words to stand against his rage. This wasn’t him. Couldn’t be him. Not the Sam she loved.

  Rylee took a deep breath staring blindly at the grass and weeds that tried to poke their way through the sandy soil, then looked up at him. It was obvious that she was going to have to find the answers for herself. “It doesn’t matter, Sam,” she finally told him. “I’m probably worried about nothing.” Clearly, she couldn’t expect any help from him.

  Sam glared at her for a moment, then sighed as he stood up. “Fine,” he growled. And, with that, he walked away without even a glance back.

  Rylee collapsed into tears, feeling as though her last hope had been ripped away from her. There was no one who could help her navigate whatever was happening to her. No one at all.

  After a long while, she wiped away her tears and tried to pull herself together. Time to try and find some answers. She pulled out her phone. “Computer,” she said in a low voice. “Who can help figure out why I have been feeling nauseous?”

  “Good question,” her phone answered. “According to MediTrack, your last menstrual period was July 16th. It is highly recommended that you seek out a gynecologist to rule out pregnancy before pursuing additional medical diagnosis.”

  She thought about it for a moment. Her regular doctor was out. Dr. Marrow might contact her mother and she couldn’t have that. Not yet. Not until she figured this out. “Computer, where can I find a gynecologist that will see me today?”

  There was a pause. “There are five gynecologists within a thirty-mile radius. One of them offers same-day appointments and confidential consultations.”

  Rylee opened her eyes and looked at her phone. The Faith and Prayers Pregnancy Crisis Center. According to her phone, it was just a few minutes away in nearby Fox Point.

  She stabbed the button on her phone to call. It was early, she thought. Maybe they could get her in now.

  Rylee glanced up from her phone again, looking over at the door of the exam room with frustration. It was just a simple pregnancy test. The home version had taken less than five minutes. What was taking so long? Were they running more tests?

  Faith and Prayers had tried to make the exam room feel a bit less sterile by painting the walls a warm yellow and the plain white ceiling tiles had been painted over with clouds and rainbows. Didn’t help, though. The exam table, ultrasound equipment, and simple counters reminded occupants that this was still a medical exam room.

  She glanced at the clock on the wall, each second that ticked by adding to her growing unease. This was not a place she ever imagined herself visiting.

  Maybe this was a mistake, she thought. That medical app only worked for women who had normal periods. Before she’d started the Pill her usual cycle had been over 90 days.

  But before she could make up her mind to leave, there was a knock at the door. “Can I come in?” a voice asked as the door opened just a crack.

  Rylee nodded. “Sure,” she responded.

  Susan, the physician’s assistant, opened the door wider. She made eye contact with Rylee, a soft smile playing on her lips as she moved further into the room and closed the door. She crossed over to the computer that sat on the counter next to Rylee and logged in. She studied the screen for a moment. Then, she turned to Rylee.

  “As I suspected, the test came back positive,” she announced. “However, we will need to confirm the results, and to do that, we’ll need to perform a quick transvaginal ultrasound.”

  “Ultrasound?” Rylee leaned back, feeling defensive. “I don’t understand.”

  Susan’s smile faltered for a moment, but she quickly composed herself. “I will briefly insert a small wand into your vagina,” she replied in a soothing voice. “It’s a standard procedure to confirm that you’re pregnant and to help us validate how far along you are.”

  Rylee grimaced. Chloe had complained about how invasive a transvaginal ultrasound was. It wasn’t quite like sex, she’d said, but it felt really strange having something hard and plastic-y poking around inside of you. Just the thought of having it done made her squirm uncomfortably.

  But deep down, she knew she needed to see the truth. With a deep breath, she nodded, giving her reluctant consent.

  Susan moved to the cabinet across the small room and pulled out a medical gown. She placed it on the exam bed. “I’ll need you undressed from the waist down. The opening goes to the front,” she told her. “I’ll be back in just a few minutes.” She quickly left the room.

  Rylee stared at the gown for a few seconds, trying to make up her mind. Best to get this over with, she thought, quickly shedding her dress and underwear. She wrapped the white fabric tightly around her and hopped onto the exam bed.

  There was a brief knock on the door and Susan returned with another woman. “Hi, Rylee,” the woman said. “I’m Doctor Phillips. Are you ready to get started?”

  Rylee nodded, not trusting her voice. She’d never had a physical exam to confirm a pregnancy, so she wasn’t quite sure if this was normal or not.

  The doctor moved to the ultrasound equipment that was on the right side of the exam bed while Susan pulled up the stirrups and helped guide Rylee’s feet into the right place. It took a while for her to get into place. She had to scoot down so that her butt was almost hanging off of the hard exam bed, her knees sharply bent and splayed wide, the gown barely covering her.

  “Let me walk you through the procedure, Rylee,” the doctor said as she pulled out a condom and placed it on the thin white wand. A white cord connected the wand to something that looked like an oversized laptop with a large black-and-white screen.

  “I’m applying a condom to the wand to prevent any potential cross-contamination,” she said. “These are specifically designed for medical use.” Then, she grabbed a small plastic tube from next to the computer and squirted it onto the condom. “This is a water-based ultrasound gel. It should help reduce any discomfort during the procedure.”

  Rylee nodded, trying to shove that panicked feeling away. It’s going to be okay, she told herself.

  The doctor moved between her legs. “Okay, Rylee,” she told her, “I’m going to touch your inner thigh, and then I’ll slowly insert the wand.”

  Even though she had been expecting it, Rylee jumped from the light touch. She twisted her hip as she instinctively pulled away.

  “It’s going to be okay, Rylee,” Dr. Phillips told her. “This won’t take very long.” And, with that, the doctor slowly inserted the wand.

  Rylee didn’t have the words to describe the sensation. If anything, it felt like she was inserting a long, extra-absorbent tampon. Slippery, though. Not rough. She felt it gently bump up against her cervix and then move around her in a small, circular motion.

  The room fell silent except for the gentle hum of the machinery. Rylee closed her eyes and tried to calm her racing heart. It’s just like a Pap smear, she told herself. Over and done with before you know it.

  Susan moved to her left side and gently squeezed her hand. “It’s okay, Rylee. Just try to relax,” she told her.

  The circular motion briefly stopped and she heard some clicking as the doctor typed something onto the computer.

  “Rylee, did you want to take at this?” the doctor said, her voice gentle. “I’ve found your baby.”

  Rylee pulled away from Susan and covered her face with her hands. She couldn’t be pregnant, she thought. This is not happening!

  She heard the cart move closer. “Based on the ultrasound and your menstrual cycle, you’re about six weeks pregnant,” the doctor said. “If you open your eyes, I can show you the heartbeat.”

  Rylee slowly lowered her hands and placed them across her stomach. She looked at Dr. Phillips and took a slow but shaky breath. “I don’t care what the ultrasound shows. I . . . I can’t get pregnant,” she stammered, her voice barely audible in the quiet room. “I can’t be pregnant.”

  The doctor slowly removed the wand from inside of her and began to peel the condom off of the wand. “I know that you don’t want to believe this, Rylee,” she said in a quiet, but calm voice. “You are pregnant. I detected a heartbeat.”

  Rylee started to scoot back on the exam bed, trying to push her feet out of the stirrups. Susan caught her left foot and helped her ease out of it. Then, she pushed herself into a seated position and glared at the doctor.

 

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