Ian chuckled, snatching a paper towel from the counter and cleaning himself up. “There’s a concept. I’ve never done anything like this before in my life, and now it’s like this is all we can do.”

  Jeff had tied off the condom and wrapped it in toilet paper when there was a loud banging on the door. Ian’s stomach bottomed out on him as a surge of adrenaline course through his body.

  “Shit,” Ian hissed. “Do I look okay?”

  “Like you’ve just been fucked.” Jeff nodded toward the stall. “Go in there.”

  “Right. Perfect.” As Ian moved to comply, Jeff washed his hands, fixed his pants and opened the door.

  “What the hell is going on in there?” The gruff and pissed-off voice belonged to Frank Anderson, the big guy everyone needed to tiptoe around. Ian cringed in the stall and hoped things would blow over quickly.

  “Sorry, sir. I needed a little privacy to clear my head.” Ian could hear the smile in Jeff’s voice. “I’ll get out of your way.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “I’m sorry?”

  “You heard me. It smells like sex in here.”

  For a fleeting moment, Ian fought down the overwhelming urge to throw up. Peeking between the stall door and the side, he could see Jeff standing to the side, his trademark grin still firmly in place but no longer reaching his eyes.

  “I can’t imagine what you mean, Mr. Anderson.”

  “Jeff, you never could keep it in your pants.” The sound of Cassie’s voice should have come as a surprise to Ian, but it didn’t.

  He should have realized the woman knew her ex-husband well enough to guess Ian’s presence at the party was as more than only a friend’s. They’d been married a long time, and Jeff’s sexuality wouldn’t be a secret to her.

  Shit.

  “I bet his little friend is still in there too,” Cassie said with a note of mock tolerance that only the truly sarcastic seemed to manage. “Jeff would have told him to hide in the stall.”

  “Come out, whoever you are.” Anderson’s voice seemed to fill the small bathroom and left no room for argument.

  Ian took an extra few seconds to make sure he was presentable, before he steeled his nerves and stepped outside the safe haven of the stall. Jeff’s jaw was clenched and his body was ramrod straight. His glare wasn’t being directed at Ian—thank God. With nothing left to do but face up to the truth, Ian moved to stand beside Jeff. They were in this together, and he wouldn’t abandon him now.

  “Who the hell are you?” Anderson barked at Ian. His cheeks were red and his face swollen, giving him the appearance of a man who drank too much and too often.

  Ian shrugged. “I’m his plus one.”

  “You…you were having sex in here.” Anderson pointed at finger at both of them. “Together!”

  “It’s less fun if you have sex separately,” Ian said without thinking.

  Jeff squeezed his arm. “Ian, let me handle this, please.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Mr. Anderson, while I know my actions were out of line, no one came in as we’d locked the bathroom door to ensure—”

  “I don’t care about that!” Anderson got right in Jeff’s face, close enough that Ian could smell the stench of nicotine and alcohol. “You were fucking a man at my party.”

  “Who I have sex with is none of your damn business.” Jeff’s voice was low and biting. He didn’t back down and instead leaned even farther into Anderson’s personal space. “It was consensual, even if our timing sucked. That’s all that should concern you.”

  “My concerns are my own. I employ people whose interests and skills are of vital importance to my company. Their image is critical! I certainly don’t want the likes of you working for me, Carson. The contract negotiation between our organizations is terminated. I will be looking at the next bidder.”

  Ian shook his head, unable to believe what he was hearing. “You stupid, bigoted asshole.”

  “I don’t want to hear a word from you, young man. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

  “Ashamed?” Ian stepped beside Jeff, forcing Anderson to finally retreat. “Ashamed of getting caught, or ashamed of being gay? Because quite frankly, right now I’m finding it difficult to be concerned about either. No one actually saw us doing anything wrong, and I’m certainly proud of who I am. Please tell me, sir, what should I be ashamed of?”

  Cassie sighed. “You certainly know how to pick them, Jeff. A little hot under the collar, this one is.”

  “At least I know where I stand with him. Unlike you, I trust Ian.” Jeff wrapped a hand around Ian’s shoulder. “Let’s get out of here.”

  “He hasn’t answered my question.”

  “And we don’t want him to. Please, Ian.”

  God, Ian wanted to fight. He never wanted to fight anyone. But faced with such outright idiocy, the urge to kick and scream and simply let his rage explode shook him to his bones. Instead, the rational part of his brain let Jeff haul him out of the bathroom.

  “Take care, Jeff.” Cassie’s gaze was near glacial.

  “Burn in a fire, bitch,” Jeff muttered as they passed her.

  Melanie was standing near the door, glaring at the chaos behind them. “I’m quitting Monday,” she whispered.

  Ian’s throat tightened. Shit, he’d ruined things for more than Jeff with his idiocy tonight. They grabbed their coats and stepped into the cold night air.

  They walked to the car in silence. With each step, the sick feeling in Ian’s stomach intensified. It was made worse when Jeff refused to take his hand, increasing the length of his stride to put distance between them.

  Instead of running to catch up, Ian stopped. It took Jeff several feet before he realized Ian wasn’t with him. Not that Jeff turned around to see.

  “I’m sorry,” Ian said, the anger finally starting to dissipate.

  Jeff nodded, his shoulders slumping forward.

  “I can take a cab from here.”

  The hesitation before Jeff’s offered, “No, I’ll take you,” was enough to confirm what Ian had suspected.

  Jeff was through with him.

  “It’s fine. Actually, there’s one now.” He didn’t wait to see Jeff’s reaction. Ian stepped to the curb and flagged the taxi down. Jumping in, he gave the driver the store’s address and sank down low into the seat.

  He didn’t want to be tempted to look out the window.

  He didn’t want to know if Jeff was still there.

  Chapter Seven

  “Are you going to answer that or not?” Sadie picked up his cell phone from the counter by the espresso maker. “They keep calling back.”

  Before she could check the call display, Ian neatly plucked the phone from her fingers and tucked it into his pocket. “Not for you, Sadie Clause.”

  “If you’re not going to answer it, then put it on silent. I can’t stand that buzz, buzz, buzz.”

  He’d managed to deflect both his sisters’ questions about his big date with Jeff, and the man himself, for three days now. It had helped that the store had been crazy now that they were officially moving into the holiday season and the streets were busy with shoppers. It was easy to hide himself in the work, making sure no one could see how much he wanted to fall apart.

  He wasn’t like that.

  He’d survived news of their mother’s death, attending her funeral and the subsequent therapy sessions all without shedding a tear in public. He’d never once cried in front of anyone when describing the accident with his dad, or let anyone see how much it hurt when his father didn’t remember him.

  He sure as hell wasn’t going to get all teary-eyed because he’d gotten caught with his pants down and subsequently dumped.

  That was the nature of his life.

  A hand on his shoulder had him staring into Sadie’s concerned face. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” He grinned. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “Because you stopped moving and started staring at the floor. You’ve been off for a few days now.” Sadie took the mug out of his hands and turned to give it to the customer. She thanked the woman before turning back. “Does this have something to do with Jeff?”

  Ian straightened and started to clean the counter. “Now why would you say that?”

  “Because he keeps calling me to check on how you are doing. He won’t tell me anything and asked me not to tell you that he called, which pretty much screams fight to me.”

  “We didn’t have a fight.” Ian stepped back to the counter and plastered a smile on. “Welcome to Pulled Long. What can I get for you?”

  The crowd picked up, stalling the rest of Sadie’s interrogation. After she’d gone back into the kitchen to make more cookies, Ian took the opportunity to let the new staff members get their feet wet and went out to the alley for a break.

  Not bothering with a coat, Ian let the chill from the air cool his overheated body. He hated this, the feeling of inevitability, knowing he’d tempted fate by actually letting himself be happy with Jeff.

  It was always the same. Bad things happened to the people he loved.

  And he ended up alone.

  He reached into his back pocket and pulled the cigarette out without thinking. Holding it to his nose, he breathed in the scent of tobacco as he’d done many times before. When his free hand emerged from his other pocket with a lighter, the weight of it echoed through his entire body.

  The wrinkles of the paper filter against his lips was odd, catching on the dry skin. The bitterness of the cotton on his tongue and the old smell of failure filling his nose, Ian lifted the lighter and flicked it on.

  “Don’t you dare.”

  He froze, seeing Paige standing in the back door, her arms crossed. For once her long hair wasn’t confined in a ponytail, and whipped around her face. She looked like some sort of avenging angel out for blood. Undoubtedly his.

  “I think I’m old enough to decide what I can and can’t do.” But he didn’t move to ignite the paper.

  “You’re old enough to be an idiot. You’ve been off them for too long to go back now, Ian.”

  His hand shook as he tried to hold it in place. It would be easy to give in to the temptation, let the nicotine rush clear his head and calm his nerves. What did it matter if he smoked?

  Paige joined him against the wall. She didn’t have a coat on and rubbed her arms with her hands. “I don’t know what happened to bring you out here to do this, but enough. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, figure out what you need to do to fix whatever it is you think you broke, and get on with it.”

  “You’re always such a comfort, Paige.”

  She snatched the cigarette from his fingers and, ignoring his protests, shoved it into her pocket. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” He tried to escape her, but Paige grabbed his arm and held fast. “Let me go.”

  “No. Not until you talk to me about this. Jeff keeps calling Sadie, and you aren’t talking to anyone.”

  “I said I don’t want to talk about it.” Ian jerked his arm free and escaped through the back door, making a beeline for his apartment.

  “Don’t think I’m going to give up that easily.”

  Paige dogged his steps until he was sure he’d have to slam the door in her face. Not that she gave him a chance. She barreled in past him, shutting the door behind her. With her body pressed up against his only means of escape, Ian knew he was going to have no way out of this conversation without things getting nasty.

  Good thing he was up for a fight.

  “Despite your opinion to the contrary, you’re not my mother, Paige. I don’t need you to tell me what to do or what I’m doing wrong.”

  “You could have fooled me.”

  “Don’t get all righteous on me.”

  “Then talk to me.” Paige closed her eyes and pressed her head back against the door. For a split second, she appeared exhausted and utterly vulnerable. “You always do this, Ian. Close yourself off and bottle things up. You did when Dad had the accident, when Mom died, when that jerk you were dating dumped you.”

  “Kyle.”

  Paige lifted her head and glared at him. “I don’t care what his name was. He was every bit as much of a jerk as Rick was.”

  It was lucky for Rick that Ian had only found out about his abuse of Paige well after the fact. Kyle might have been an ass, but he was no Rick. The fight left him and Ian let his body drop to the couch. “No, he wasn’t.”

  “Ian, he dumped you for a woman. He led you on and tried to blame you for his weakness.” Paige finally pushed away from the door and joined him on the couch. “If you weren’t my brother, I would feel sorry for the amount of shit you’ve been through.”

  Ian laughed. “You’re such a softy.”

  Paige rubbed her eye with the heel of her hand. “It’s because you’re my brother that I don’t. You’re much stronger than anyone realizes. You’ve accomplished things and survived others that most people couldn’t imagine. If our positions were reversed, I don’t think I would have handled the accident and the way Dad treats you half as well as you do.” She sniffed and turned away.

  The only other person Ian knew who was as in control of their emotions as he was now sat beside him fighting back tears. Slipping to his knees, he leaned in and wrapped his arms around her. “Why are you crying?”

  “Because you looked so lonely and heartbroken downstairs, and I don’t know what to do to make it better. All I’ve ever wanted to do was be there for you, but you fight and push me away.”

  “You’ve always had too much on your plate. You don’t need to save the world for everyone.”

  Paige returned his hug. “But you’re not everyone. You’re my baby brother.”

  The single sob that popped from his mouth seemed to catch them both off guard. Rather than face her, Ian pressed his cheek to her stomach and squeezed. “Thanks.”

  “What happened?” She started playing with his hair much like she used to do when he was little. It was strange how soothing that simple action still was for him, even after all these years.

  “I don’t want you to freak out.”

  Paige snorted. “That bad, huh?”

  He nodded. “The party Jeff took me to? His ex-wife was there.”

  “Shit.”

  “She found out we were having sex in the bathroom and brought the boss in to see. They didn’t show up until after we were done, but Jeff’s company lost the contract they were negotiating.”

  “And Jeff blames you for that?”

  “Hell, no.” Ian pulled away, wiping the tears he could no longer hold back. “I blame me for that. It’s one more person I’ve managed to curse.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  Ian knew she would dismiss what he had to say as stupid. Hell, he knew it would sound stupid, saying it out loud, but it didn’t make it any less true.

  “Dad’s accident was my fault.”

  “He ran a red light.”

  “He ran it because I’d told him I was gay.” Ian sat back on his heels and tried to catch his breath. He’d never told either of the girls this part, never knowing what to say.

  Swallowing, he took Paige’s hand, strong, reliable Paige, and finally let it out. “He was freaking out at me. Yelling and telling me that no son of his could ever be gay. I tried to tell him it isn’t a choice, it’s simply who I am. He didn’t care. Said I was dead to him, that as far as he was concerned he didn’t have a son. Paige, he was looking right at me when he went through the intersection. I saw the car coming but couldn’t even react before it hit us.”

  “Oh my…why did…why didn’t you ever tell me that?” Paige wiped the tears from her face. “Ian, that still doesn’t make it your fault.”

  “I knew he was going to freak. I should have waited until we’d stopped.”

  “Is this why you call him every month? To torture yourself?”

  There were many things Ian did to try and make amends, but calling his dad wasn’t about him. “No. Mom asked me to. When she knew she was dying, she made me promise that I’d try to make things up to him. I don’t think she realized that he’s never going to get better.”

  “Still, you weren’t driving, and it wasn’t your fault.” Paige kissed his forehead. “It was a horrible accident, that’s all. Not a curse.”

  “Mom died.”

  “Unless you found a way to give her cancer, you can’t own that one.”

  “No, but I didn’t do as much for her as I could have. I was so wrapped up in Dad and what I’d done to him that I wasn’t as supportive as I should have been. She might have gotten better if she hadn’t been worried about me.”

  “Ian—”

  Now that he’d started, an entire wrecking ball of guilt and pain slammed into him. Ian knew he needed to calm down, and yet he’d spent most of his adult life trying to keep calm, trying to hide his pain behind a joke and smile. God, he was dying inside.

  “Kyle was confused when we were dating. I tried to help him, but he’d always push me away. It wasn’t the fact he left me for a woman that killed me, but that he wanted nothing more to do with me. He said I was poison.”

  It had been hard to live through Kyle’s self-destruction. Everything Ian had tried, all the tips he’d learned when he went to the counselor after the accident, everything made Kyle worse.

  “He had a hard time accepting the truth about who he was. There’s only so much support you can offer a person, and then the rest has to be up to them.”

  Paige got down on the floor with him. She braced his head in her hands and pressed their foreheads together. “Jeff isn’t like that.”

  Ian shook his head. The threat of renewed tears reared up and he had to fight to keep himself under control. “I think my feelings for him might be a bit more than like, and that scares the shit out of me.”

  “If it means anything, I know his feelings for you are more than like. Anyone can tell by the way he looks at you.”

  Groaning, Ian pulled back to lean against the couch. “The night we met again, after the first fight? He’d been working late on the proposal for Anderson, and was tired and lonely. He saw me working, came over and…well, we got reacquainted. He’d been working for months on that proposal, but because I’m a sick bastard who apparently gets turned on at the idea of fucking in public, he’s lost it. My fault, Paige.”

 

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